The World Religions: 5 (out of 100) Things Your Child Should Know Before Confirmation Class

I have written a few times before about being part of a family that is “inter-religious.” You can find these posts here, here, and here. Obviously, we are motivated to talk in our home about what it means to be a part of a religion that is not Christian. 

prayer beads from my brother

Of all the conversations that we have together with our son, these are the ones that seem to repeat most often. For example, no matter how many times we explain what it means to be Jewish, he will ask the same question again a month or so later.

Interestingly, he hardly ever asks about being a Buddhist. He only knows one, and I think he just trusts that his uncle knows what he is doing, so he doesn’t worry about it. 

When I work with students in a middle school, high school or Confirmation class, I instinctively want to teach them to respect and even appreciate other faith traditions. And yet, most youth these days have a decidedly post-modern perspective on the world, which means that they are already comfortable with differences and differences of opinion. They don’t usually need me to teach them respect...they need to hear from me why is I have chosen and why they may choose to be a Christian in the midst of a diverse religious landscape. 

Christian Denominations: 5 (out of 100) Things Your Child Should Know Before Confirmation Class

Because I am Presbyterian and my husband is Mennonite people always assume that we have a lot of disagreements about religion, that we have phenomenally interesting conversations over the dinner table, and that there must be a lot of tension in our family. I am never quite sure why people think that, because the people who make these assumptions usually don’t know much about the differences between Mennonites and Presbyterians to begin with.

I am pretty sure that they are not referring to the horrible period of time during the Reformation when Anabaptists were martyred for their refusal to baptize their children, sometimes by those who would eventually call themselves Presbyterians. (I am also pretty sure that they don’t know too many Mennonites, who for the most part tend to be the least confrontational people you will ever happen to meet.)

These days, when we talk about our Presbyterian and Mennonite differences it is usually because we are trying to teach our son about what it means to identify as both at the same time. Not an easy feat.

Yoga, Children & the Peace of Christ

A few weeks ago an innocent question from an acquaintance led to a difficult conversation. She asked if my son was still taking ballet lessons at a local dance school. My son had only taken lessons for about a year, as a preschooler. He eventually realized that while there was room for expression in classical ballet training, his expression and theirs were not always compatible. But the question about ballet led to the topic of yoga.

While my son is not at all interested in playing organized sports, it was clear that he could benefit from an intentional physical activity in his life. So during his Kindergarten year we enrolled him in a children’s yoga class with his best friend.

When I shared the shift we had made from ballet to yoga, my acquaintance immediately explained to me that yoga is wholly incompatible with Christian faith, and insisted that she would never let her own child practice yoga. I don’t want to go into the details of her arguments. You may have heard them (or made them) yourself before. Here is a link to a pretty standard critique of Christians practicing yoga.

Little Buddha - Raising a Child in an Interfaith Family

This is what happens when you leave your 6 month old
at home for the day with his uncle and a new camera.

I have written before about the challenges and gifts of raising our son in both the Mennonite and Presbyterian traditions. It was around the same time that my future husband and I were mapping out what it would mean for us to live in an ecumenical marriage that my older brother was taking the first steps toward ordination in the Theravada Buddhist tradition.

While this might give the impression that we are an incredibly spiritual and exotic family, we are really not as interesting as this diversity might suggest. At the end of the day we are just a family trying to live with and appreciate each other’s quirks and particularities. We don’t have grand theological debates around the dinner table (the one question that most people ask). What we do around the table is eat and laugh…basically what my brother and I have been doing since we were children.

Ten Things I Want to Tell Parents

When I started this blog about a year ago, I planned to focus on sharing my insights into how parents can and should provide religious nurture for their children. As I have reflected on this past year, I thought it would be helpful to briefly lay out in one post some of the most important things that I have learned as a pastor and a parent who works with families.

Almost all of what I have written relates to one of these ten things that I think parents should know. Once we delve into the details and particulars of different parts of scripture or faith, sometimes these essentials can get lost in the shuffle.

So below are the ten most important things that I want to tell parents (even parents in my own congregation) as they work to strengthen the spiritual lives of their children.

1.YOU, not the church, are the primary religious educator for your children. Yes, the church serves as a resource for teaching your child about the Bible, worship, theology, and even religious history. But even if a child never misses a week of Sunday school, there is never enough time in that once a week class to reinforce and build upon the lessons of scripture and faith that children have the potential to learn. read more here.

The Benefit of a Buddhist Brother

The meditation hall at the first Buddhist community
where my brother lived.

It is fascinating to me how often during my teaching or preaching as a pastor I am able to speak relevantly about my brother's experiences as a Theravada Buddhist monk. It may be because he provides a great example of a life totally dedicated to spiritual practice. Or maybe it is because of the popular interest in Buddhist practices of meditation and mindfulness. Maybe it is just because he is my brother, and I like to talk about him.


A video chat on the topic of begging with our high school youth group has been one of my favorite moments so far. I broached the subject last winter when there was an increase in panhandlers on the streets of South Bend.


Below is another example of the connections I am able to make between my brother's Buddhist practices and community life and those of a Christian congregation - a charge I gave to another Presbyterian Church as they installed their new pastor. Instead of considering our interfaith family as something that we have to try to get past together, I find that it continues to teach me new things and helps me understand my own Christian faith and practices in refreshing ways.


Reflecting on my experience of congregational life, the teachings of Christ and my brother’s own commitment through the monastic life, I want to charge you today with three ways of being a community that loves and cares for one another.


First I charge you to be gentle with one another. To be mindful as my brother might say. To think before you speak, and to wait before you react. To keep the other person in mind, to view the world and the church from their perspective before you assume that you know how to respond. Jesus models this for us in the 8th chapter of John, when he is asked to bring a hasty judgment on the woman accused of adultery. Jesus reacts by not reacting, but by bending down and writing in the dust. Archbishop of Canterbury Rowan Williams has written of the importance of this pause – writing in the dust because it tries to hold that moment for a little longer, long enough for some of our demons to walk away.


We show our love for one another when we value the other person’s experience and perspective just as much or even more than our own, when we don’t let ourselves get caught up, but rather take the long view of what might be the most important thing in that moment – remembering that for Christ it was almost always a message of grace.


Second I charge you to travel lightly as a congregation, and to value one another more than the trappings that we place around us that often become more important than the relationships that we should value. I’ll tell you that if you ever get the chance make good friends with someone who is about to become a Buddhist monk you should do so, because the inheritance you will receive is staggering, especially when he had such good taste in cookware! My brother now lives on only what is offered to him, and no more.


When Jesus sends out his disciples in the Gospel of Luke he tells them to take no money, no bag, no change of clothing, no extra pair of sandals, and to be dependent on those who take them in. The only thing they take is one another as they are commissioned to go out in pairs to heal the sick and to preach the coming of the kingdom of God.

We show our love for one another when we make relationships more important than things, when we make the business of the church about the sharing of the Gospel rather than the maintenance of a building, when we remember that things are easier to replace than friends and that - though this is surely a loose paraphrase of the teachings of Christ – you most surely cannot take it with you when you leave this life.

Finally I charge you to love one another by agreeing to live by a common ethic, a common understanding of how you are accountable to one another. In the monastic community in which my brother was ordained they list 26 separate rules or guidelines for visitors to the community – though one bullet point does include: abstain from killing, stealing, committing any sexual activity, lying, gossiping, slandering, and using harsh language. Monks themselves live by 227 main rules and thousands of minor ones. It is through these very clearly stated rules that they can be assured that everyone understands just what to do, that offenses will not be committed, and there is no anxiety about how people will behave.

In Christ's teachings on the law he helped his followers and us to come to understand that the Torah was not about controlling one another, or having power over one another, but about showing respect and care for one another. Biblical scholars are quick to point out that the first three commandments of the ten are about human beings showing love and respect for God, and the other seven are all about showing love and respect for one another.

The sanctuary of the Presbyterian Church
where my brother and I were raised.

We show our love for one another when we agree to behave in helpful ways with each other – to respect appropriate boundaries with each other and with your new pastor, to listen to and follow our elected leadership rather than trying to work the system outside of the appropriate means. We show our love for one another when we each agree to carry our part of the load of ministry, when we expect good things from one another, and when we are sure that the whole community is invited to be a part of the life and ministry of the congregation.

In the Gospel of John Jesus tells his disciples: "As the Father has loved me, so I have loved you; abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in his love. I have said these things to you so that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be complete. This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you." John 15:7-12

Today is a day full of joy, but also one ripe and fertile with love: the love of God, your love for God, and the true manifestation of Christian community – your love for one another.